{{TODO}} Couples therapists, without breaking confidentiality, what are some relationships that instantly set off red flags, and do you try and get them to work out? : AskReddit important relationships
Boundary violations.
Testing boundaries a little bit is ok but repeatedly violating boundaries is a big red flag.
I work a lot with people who have left abusive relationships and often they doubt they ever will date again and eventually want to. We work on their personal boundaries but I also suggest some easy boundaries to have and how they can help.
Boundary 1: maintain your routine. If you go to bed at 9pm and wake up to work out at 5am, maintain that. A decent person will respect that. A non-decent person will try to bulldoze through it. It might look like "awe stay up talking with me, I'm lonely", "its romantic to talk all night". If you aren't a teen, it isn't cute. It actually makes you too tired to be able be present and critically reflective of the relationship. If they are teasing and making fun of your routine, you probably dont have the same values. It isn't about who is right or wrong, you probably aren't on the same page.
Boundary 2: (cultural trend here is to move in together within a month so might not apply elsewhere so much) for almost 6, dont get together more than 3-4times a week. This boundary helps you to preserve your "you-ness". It gives you time for your interests and friends. It very quickly flushes out insecurities or controlling behavior in a potential partner.