00:56 📅 👀 Anya is constantly distracting me. First by watching TV, then tries to force herself on me. So sick her being horny 24/7. So sick of her aimlessness, her lack of motivation, discipline, work ethic.
👀 she constantly bored, tired; fooling around, just wanting to have fun - all the time.
Says she tired and sleepy, not in the mood for anything serious.
so she craves stimulation because she is bored
plus tries to escape, to avoid facing the truth that her life has no meaning and that makes her depressed and empty
especially bc her self-expectations are so high. but the difference between what is and what should be is huge and it’s only growing
that’s why I suspected that she might have ADHD as well
❓ but maybe she just has no potential? maybe it’s not The reason? and it’s not failure to push yourself due to executive functions? maybe it’s the usual
kinda want, but not ready to put in the work (would be nice kinda way)
I guess that’s why, partly, I’m projecting a lot here
👀 ❓ it’s interesting, that even when she seems to be doing something productive, most of the time she is just reading some spiritual books
but from what I remember, it looks a lot like low key depression or something like that
first, bc when she is in the mood - she is active and productive, inspired and full of life
second, lots of things that she opened up to me about were just literally book-like symptoms of depression
and ofc it’s hard to push yourself to do anything hard when you have no why