💫

20:20 👀 💫 much of this tension comes from expecting bad things when it's silent / feeling guilty when doing something for myself because of past abuse from Nika and mom, at least in form of silent treatment.

-> 💫 the only time I'm productive and focused is when I put on motivational talks in BG and turn on ANC.

-> 💫 📍 You fall every time you avoid & thus increase anxiety. Everything changes once you stop avoiding.

-> 💫 once you become organized and have a day plan, life becomes a set of problems and challenges (projects) to solve, instead of overwhelming dread and guilt of not knowing where you’re at.

21:31 ✍🏻 ❤️ 💫 almost in tears, listen to motivational talks and feel like wasting my life. realized why I feel bad around Anya: she is always tired, lazy, sleepy - and it feels like it’s contagious and that’s I’m catching it.

💫 = Insight

💫 realized that I, again, wasted years thinking I was stupid bc I couldn’t prepare/understand TGI, when in fact I, again, just lacked some basics from first semesters.

💫 📍 🔬 quite often I can predict burnout evening before: I just feel exhausted, afraid of things I get to do tomorrow. I already feel like I can’t imagine me being productive tomorrow.

22:15 -> ⭐️ 💫 📍 fucked up whole day. Only two moments when I was on fire and productive - wenn I drank coffee.

💫 schedule, in any form, brings order into your mind.

• -> 🌀 💫 ❤️ I think I feel worry and overwhelm because of too many things and because I have no control/ overview. With thing like Todoist I can organize it and feel better. The important part is to keep up with it and put it all in one place.

💫 you got fucked over once again - she is not the person you thought she is

💫 Remembered that everything that was really working for me - felt right from the first time I used it and reduced anxiety and chaos right away.

18:33 -> ❤️ 💫 ⭐️ 📍 When overwhelmed - learned from past experiences that the best thing you can do is to minimize input and slow down.

💫 ❓ Every time I stay any longer than absolutely necessary at home - I go crazy / depressed / anxious.

💫 feel it close to heart, bc I was in similar position: failure to realize my potential

-> 💫 📍 social pressure and lack of results are two main triggers for bad feelings

💫 ➕ I guess her mother has some influence on her. and considering her mom clearly being at least a bit psychotic - there must be something shady going on.

💡 💫 👁 To get organized (GST) - you must have system (tools, environment), that provides you with clear overview LMS

💭 💫 I thought about this dynamic with Anya, that she does so much and I don't do anything and thus I'm bad and she is a victim.

💫 📍 you must accept your nature: you only happy when highly stimulated! (Or its the same with everyone else?!)

{{TODO}} 💫 👁 need to declutter tech and to make often used workflows more quick, intuitive LMS

💫 btw when she is not.. - was it the reason why she broke up with me 5 years ago and ran away on this crazy trip? to find herself? - that’s should’ve been kinda huge red flag

💡 💫 -> realized that noting technique and STOP rule I learned when I was a kid are the same thing.

💫 remember when you prepared for EGE in Russian? that’s the most exceptional example of what’s possible with right tools.

16:37 👀 💫 What bugs me more than anything about Anya: her constant complaints, her blame shifting (never taking fault), her aimlessness, her self-pity (indulging in her weaknesses), her laziness, her attention/validation seeking, her entitled mindset.

💫 👀 👁 Интересно что в любое свободное время я занимаюсь приложениями: скачиваю, устанавливаю, придумываю, разрабатываю. Наверно это просто как развлечение, ничего серьезного; но если мне нравится, то может быть стоит посвятить себя этому себя больше?

💫 Remembered in book Whole Again he talked about need to reconnect with your body and that that's the best defense against predators: watch how the person makes you feel. Plus the idea of a constant.

🧠 💫 realized that concept of daily notes is similar to dashboards - page where you have everything you need in one place.

💫 📍 more tools - more opportunities for distraction

💫 ➕ think you got worse once again after [[getting back together with Anya]] and putting again more pressure on your shoulders than you can bear (incl. trip to russia, activities & time together etc.)