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January 18th, 2021

{{DONE}} Use Upright for 20m today

10:59 ✍🏻woke up early, at 9 am. slept ~5h. started routine.

rn feeling sleepy and hungry (thus empty) - don’t want to do anything. waiting for Anya to come feed me.

11:24 ❀️ feel like there is too much going on

15:26 ✍🏻 took a nap together, back to being functional again

feel even ready to study (deadline pressure helps aw)

15:45 πŸ”¬ for studying want to try focus keeper

like the idea of behavioral contexts

for study those are

paper materials

pomodoro timers

17:29 ❀️ feel down, sad, irritated. hard to focus, to study.

irritated bc hard to study around Anya

mb bc hungry, [[reducing zoloft]] has its effect for sure. plus skipped tolerance break.

17:51 ❀️ much better after lunch break: eating w/ TV, RB, plus 3xMPH

18:22 ❀️ feel urge to avoid studying, literally like preparing to jump through a mental barrier

21:52 ✍🏻 studied over an hour, proud.

πŸ’« realized that I, again, wasted years thinking I was stupid bc I couldn’t prepare/understand TGI, when in fact I, again, just lacked some basics from first semesters.

-> ⭐️ I'm not stupid, I was just lacking some foundation, basic understanding, and didn't have good enough teachers/ learning materials.

{{TODO}} πŸ’‘ schedule free-flow block in the evening to/try

to "chase interests"

letting my mind wonder, guilt free, and follow whatever ideas come to mind

✍🏻 after [[reducing zoloft]] begin to actually feel things again

begin to enjoy music

feel calmer, with more motivation, energy, eagerness for the future

23:55 ✍🏻 going to bed earlier. things seem to get better.

πŸ’­ ❓ ⭐️ Worry that Anya is a wrong one, worry to have chosen prematurely.

She seem to have so little about her going on: so little ambitions, no drive: only doubts, fears, self petty - weakness and laziness, together with entitlement and "just wanting to have fun".

I'm just afraid that it's contagious and that she will pull me down or key me low.

πŸ”¬ ⭐️ that's why I must spend as much as possible time apart from her.

-> thus renting a [coworking space]seems like a very good idea after all

Orpheas πŸͺ (@orpheaskk) Tweeted: you're not lazy, you just haven't found interest-task fit https://twitter.com/orpheaskk/status/1350509251479937026

Orpheas πŸͺ (@orpheaskk) Tweeted: biggest mistake you can make is to have a hot girlfriend before finding interest-task fit https://twitter.com/orpheaskk/status/1350509252775972865

Mary (@morty_lin) Tweeted: @kevinzawadi @orpheaskk I'd say being in a relationship is just v time and attention-consuming, so, usually it ends up with either being distracted from finding the thing you're interested in, or neglecting the relationship. https://twitter.com/morty_lin/status/1350778866604892163

Orpheas πŸͺ (@orpheaskk) Tweeted: @kevinzawadi @morty_lin Mary is right BUT I was also just taking the piss out of this meme https://t.co/v8fbXmnBNQ https://twitter.com/orpheaskk/status/1350806778146136073

David Vargas (@dvargas92495) Tweeted: NEW roamcult EXTENSION: Mindmaps!

Installing the extension will add a new option to the ... menu on the top right. Clicking the new "Open Mindmap" option will render a mindmap based on your current page's Roam data!

For more information, check out https://t.co/BZTujhMt8Q! https://t.co/eRtOSJIJWx https://twitter.com/dvargas92495/status/1350882265669259266

January 18th, 2021