qraymo Garden

Powered by 🌱Roam Garden

January 6th, 2021

today I’m grateful

To parents for standing by me, always.

To myself for courage to keep trying and believing.

To JBP for wisdom about evil.

To Anya for love and care.

To Roma for being an example for passion.

To Tina for helping me when I first moved to ka.

To Sasha for being there when I was lonely.

woke up feeling tired

proud that started routine but stopped before going for a run, couldn’t force myself, waited to feel like it

felt worse after eating sweets

after caffeine felt irritated

took a nap and woke up feeling much better, ready to go for a run

-> don’t eat heavy right before sleep

meditation breakthrough: calm focus and heightened awareness in the moment now.

maybe it's just an effect of MPH kicking in, certainly felt like it. took it exactly 15-20 min beforehand

in general, feel more calm, energized. IBS much better

a little bit guilt due falling behind schedule.

hard to start workday

starting new routine/activity block is the hardest. taking MPH to power up helps. plus meditation makes it easier. guess it's due to anxiety.

proud that started routine but stopped before going for a run, couldn’t force myself, waited to feel like it

hard to start workday

-> Need to keep my mind engaged in order to avoid it wandering off to bad places and to reduce anxiety.

lay - lain (verb-conjugation/continuous: lying)

18:15 low energy but still feel like reading. apart from watching some TV (not so much) don't want to do anything after full lunch and with MPH wearing off

18:35 feel better, but still bit tired and low energy

got interested in importing epub into roam

19:05 began working. calling Advanzia rn. feel anxiety, scared to fuck up everything.

Anya is still watching TV after lunch. but with headphones on, so its fine - keeps her engaged.

19:30 drank protein shake with soja milk

unlocked Advanzia. need to verify PayPal now.

19:51 PayPal is unlocked, but card verification code needed. God knows when it comes...

Not much left for now, only to try at supermarket tomorrow[*]({{TODO}} Try cash withdrawal at supermarkets)

So now’d be the best time to stop and switch attention to something else. It’s something new and unusual to prevent time wasting. Looks like someone is gaining more awareness. Love the idea of increased self-control.

-> with increased awareness and by being present you can slow down time at least it’s relative experience by accomplishing more (and reducing time wasting) through:

increased self-control (being able to switch attention, to stop hyperfocusing on unimportant stuff)

being able to prioritize and see big-picture

21:10 working in wc. gave Anya space while she is doing workout.

feel guilt bc wasted time: l lay down with Anya (willfully) for a few minutes and by the time I resumed working whole hour passed by.

Anya's workout video won't load, it's distracting af.

anxiety, avoid, distractibility, brain-fog, IBS seem to always come hand-by-hand/together 💭

23:06 sent Anya's registration - feel so proud of myself.

January 6th, 2021