guilt

sadness guilt avoid emptiness resentment hopelessness

guilt due to too long sleep and general worry from when waking up too late

worry about too many things to do. Scared of TGI exam. [feel], ashamed bc of mph and being in debts. Afraid to put Anya's name on the door, scared of landlord's reaction. Fear debts. Dk what to do with Areas of Life/Professional Life/University anymore. Like too many things at once and I'm trying to keep them all spinning at once. Feel a bit of resentment bc of Anya's apathy, laziness and weakness. She feels more and more like a distraction, like a burden.

[lack of results] urge to control everything; leading to overwhelm -> avoidance; plus triggers shame, guilt

-> 💫 once you become organized and have a day plan, life becomes a set of problems and challenges (projects) to solve, instead of overwhelming dread and guilt of not knowing where you’re at.

NYE: wonderful! Bit hard at the beginning, slow at preps. finally sat down around 23. but after that everything went well: tv, gifts, walk outside. Anya has put so much love and effort into her NY’s gift. I feel worry and guilt for spending too much on buying her APP as a gift.

feel guilt bc wasted time: l lay down with Anya (willfully) for a few minutes and by the time I resumed working whole hour passed by.

Guess I [feel] because of postponing TGI, again. Maybe it triggered some shit.

Get rid of energy sucking backburners, that trigger avoidance, overwhelm, self-hate, guilt etc.

19:05 ❤️ In general feel so bad. sad, guilty, hating myself

social pressure (shame, guilt, fear of being rejected/criticized) - [trigger]

21:58 tons of guilt after talking to mom

a little bit guilt due falling behind schedule.

ytd was feeling guilty bc of obsessive decluttering