feel much better.
worry about too many things to do. Scared of TGI exam. [feel], ashamed bc of mph and being in debts. Afraid to put Anya's name on the door, scared of landlord's reaction. Fear debts. Dk what to do with Areas of Life/Professional Life/University anymore. Like too many things at once and I'm trying to keep them all spinning at once. Feel a bit of resentment bc of Anya's apathy, laziness and weakness. She feels more and more like a distraction, like a burden.
19:26 Don't want to feel [[overwhelmed]] by all the todo's, but some of small Next Steps I'm inclined to do are: (all done)
read bit about finances and feel less urge to buy more expensive things.
feel guilt bc wasted time: l lay down with Anya (willfully) for a few minutes and by the time I resumed working whole hour passed by.
In the afternoon began feeling tired and worn out. Came home, felt terrible: overwhelm, exhaustion and hunger. First began automatically blame myself. Lied down and hoped to wait till it gets better. and began procrastinating. then stopped, reflected - realized and accepted that I'm done for today, practically speaking, I won't get anything done today anymore. and asked what I honestly and speaking from past experiences can and would do? Then decided that the best thing to do would be to finish what I can finish and go to sleep.
23:06 sent Anya's registration - feel so proud of myself.
13:17 aside from that noticed, that I want to fap for a second day. plus feel sleepy
-> caffeine is really a game changer: feel focused, energized, pumped up now. felt lethargic, irritated, sad, discouraged before. important
Helps to tell how and why you feel the way you do
❤️ rn feel on edge and scared, like walking on eggshells after Anya got angry and seems like snapping at me any minute.
18:35 feel better, but still bit tired and low energy
spent whole day jerking off, chasing distractions, feeling down. All because of caffeine withdrawal.
feelings once again feel irritated and overwhelmed, much worse after drinking RB.
✍🏻 ❤️ Today feel even more depressed. Guess it was TBE after increasing zoloft to 100 mg.
feel so calm, confident, joyful. Ready to conquer the world.
12:48 feel overwhelmed by too many things on my schedule today.
She often makes me feel this way.
-> 👀 ❤️ The more I get my life together - the better, the more motivated, inspired to move forward I feel