worry about too many things to do. Scared of TGI exam. [feel], ashamed bc of mph and being in debts. Afraid to put Anya's name on the door, scared of landlord's reaction. Fear debts. Dk what to do with Areas of Life/Professional Life/University anymore. Like too many things at once and I'm trying to keep them all spinning at once. Feel a bit of resentment bc of Anya's apathy, laziness and weakness. She feels more and more like a distraction, like a burden.
19:26 Don't want to feel [[overwhelmed]] by all the todo's, but some of small Next Steps I'm inclined to do are: (all done)
feel guilt bc wasted time: l lay down with Anya (willfully) for a few minutes and by the time I resumed working whole hour passed by.
In the afternoon began feeling tired and worn out. Came home, felt terrible: overwhelm, exhaustion and hunger. First began automatically blame myself. Lied down and hoped to wait till it gets better. and began procrastinating. then stopped, reflected - realized and accepted that I'm done for today, practically speaking, I won't get anything done today anymore. and asked what I honestly and speaking from past experiences can and would do? Then decided that the best thing to do would be to finish what I can finish and go to sleep.
-> caffeine is really a game changer: feel focused, energized, pumped up now. felt lethargic, irritated, sad, discouraged before. important
❤️ rn feel on edge and scared, like walking on eggshells after Anya got angry and seems like snapping at me any minute.
spent whole day jerking off, chasing distractions, feeling down. All because of caffeine withdrawal.
feelings once again feel irritated and overwhelmed, much worse after drinking RB.
✍🏻 ❤️ Today feel even more depressed. Guess it was TBE after increasing zoloft to 100 mg.